Enhancing Connection in Coaching Sessions
Maintaining Client Connection: Building Rapport and Energy Management Tips for Coaches
Summary
In this episode, Coach John discusses the importance of building and maintaining a strong connection with coaching clients, whether through one-to-one sessions or group coaching. He emphasises the value of smiling, energy management, and setting the right tone from the outset. Coach John also covers techniques such as tactical empathy, eye contact, body language, and storytelling to deepen client relationships. Additionally, he provides advice on how to regain lost rapport and respond to potential miscommunications. The episode concludes with a teaser for upcoming content on AI tools in coaching.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview
00:26 The Importance of Client Connection
01:32 Smiling: The First Step to Building Rapport
02:17 Maintaining Energy and Presence
06:10 Engaging Clients in One-to-One Sessions
08:20 Techniques for Group Coaching
13:50 Handling Lost Rapport and Client Disconnection
16:54 Sharing Personal Stories and Vulnerability
19:18 Conclusion and Upcoming Episodes
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John's LinkedIn Profile or go to PresentInfluence.com for coaching enquiries with John
Angie's LinkedIn Profile or visit AngieSpeaks.com
2023 Present Influence Productions The Coaching Clinic 56
Transcript
Well, welcome to the show, and as you can already
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:probably tell it's just me today.
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:So Coach John with you and Angie will
be back with us for our next episode.
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:But on this show today, we're gonna keep
it fairly short and we're gonna talk
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:about connecting with clients and to make
sure that we do that well and to keep
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:that connection going in the long-term
relationship we have with our clients and
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:getting connection back where maybe
we have perhaps lost some rapport
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:for some reason along the way.
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:Now there's different types of connection
for sure in your coaching session.
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:So if you are doing primarily one-to-one,
then you do probably want to focus
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:more on the one-to-one connection.
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:But if you're doing group coaching,
which may be in addition to one-to-one
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:or that may be your primary form of
coaching then there are some different
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:things you can use to help you do that.
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:So there will be some things that
are core principles here and some
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:things that will be a little different
depending on the nature of the connection
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:that you are trying to establish.
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:And there are times where we lose
connection or rapport with people
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:along the way, or maybe it just weakens
a bit and we want to make sure it's
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:as strong as it can possibly be.
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:So in this shorter episode, that's
exactly what we want to cover today
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:to help you make sure that you
and your clients feel connected.
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:From the get go, one of the best
things you can always do is to be
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:a natural smiler, especially in the
earlier stages of your relationship.
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:We don't wanna be too serious
all the time with coaching.
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:There are certainly times where we
maybe don't want to have a smile on our
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:face when we're working with clients
'cause it might not be appropriate.
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:But in the early stages of getting to
know someone, certainly welcoming a
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:new client and getting onto initial
calls as well, a good smile really
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:helps and a proper true smile.
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:Smiling with the eyes, not
just with the mouth as well.
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:And even if you are audio only, it still
makes a difference to how you sound.
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:Smiling will definitely come through
one way or another, and it will
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:come through in your energy as well.
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:The physical act of smiling does
start to change our neurology a little
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:bit, our brain chemistry, is without
a doubt that we can impact our own
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:emotional state by our physicality.
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:We will probably know that if we are
slouched over, and sound low energy.
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:The chance, though, we're probably
feeling that as well, we are leading
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:our energy further into that.
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:But even if we're feeling a bit low
energy, if we sit ourselves up or stand
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:up straight I know some people like
to coach while they're standing up.
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:I believe some people even try and coach
whilst they're on treadmills these days.
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:But, I am not one of those people.
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:Now, I appreciate some people may have
physical limitations that might prevent
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:some of these things, but for the
majority of people, sitting yourself
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:upright, putting your shoulders back,
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:plastering a smile over your
face and a real smile will
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:change somewhat how you feel.
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:And even if you are initially resisting
that, I do encourage you to do that.
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:'cause your energy, you are the leader.
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:You often hear Angie
saying You're the pace car.
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:It's not just true for the content
of your coaching sessions, it's
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:true for the energy of them as
well, the emotional energy of them.
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:You set the tone to a greater degree,
especially when people initially come
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:onto a coaching call or session with you.
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:So whether you are doing one-to-one all
group, this counts for all of those.
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:If your energy isn't good and strong, then
that will come across and may interfere
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:with client's ability to connect with you.
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:We do need to still strike a balance.
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:We don't wanna have too much energy.
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:We don't want to become
inaccessible to our clients,
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:especially on one-to-one calls.
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:So we want to keep it moderate.
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:We probably ideally want to
aim for somewhere slightly
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:above where most people are at.
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:Now, if you are naturally
high energy, stick with that.
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:Don't change it at all because people
will probably come to you for that
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:and they'll expect it, and you may not
need to turn it up anymore than that.
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:But if you are not a
naturally high energy person.
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:The small shift isn't going to
feel too jarring for people.
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:Whereas if you made a huge shift in
energy before doing these things, people
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:start to wonder what's going on with
you, whether you take on something
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:or whether something has happened.
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:So you want to still stay true to you.
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:This is all the thing about turning
up the dials just a little bit.
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:When you are connecting, this is
probably more important with group
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:situations where you do need to dial up
the energy, somewhat more noticeably.
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:Again, you don't need to become a
hyperactive clowned version of yourself.
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:You really just need to turn up
the dials a little bit to be the
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:energy leader on the calls or the
sessions that you are leading.
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:Very important for online, especially if
you are doing a Zoom group or conference,
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:you may need to do that a little more
than if you were in person because
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:you have other barriers to attention
and engagement in group settings.
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:Especially online where people
could be attending to their mobile
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:phone or checking their emails
whilst they're on a call with you.
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:Especially noticeable when that's
one-to-one calls, but harder to observe
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:those things and harder to call them
out as well when you are on group calls
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:where you may have 5, 10, 15, 20, or more
people, and certainly if you're getting
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:into the hundreds of people on a call, you
are never going to be able to manage that.
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:The best you can do is try and
keep engagement checked in from
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:time to time in those calls.
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:Now, I think one of the best ways
to help yourself lead energy is
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:to always aim to be in a state
of warmth and competence when you
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:are coming into coaching sessions.
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:I would say that's especially true when
you are engaging with brand new clients,
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:but I think it's a great energy to be
approaching your coaching from as well.
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:Warmth, competence, approachability.
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:Be welcoming to connection
with your clients.
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:Now, in one-to-one sessions, that
may mean that you start off with
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:a little small talk connection.
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:How are you, how have things been?
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:You don't want to get into a
full, in-depth conversation.
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:You are not just meeting up in
a coffee shop with a friend.
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:You've come together to do something.
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:But I think it's fine to check in,
have some pleasantries with people
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:because that is how people are, I think.
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:And I think if you were to come
onto a one-to-one coaching session,
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:I had a coaching session this
morning with a married couple.
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:And if I was to come onto that and
say right straight to business.
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:On their very first
coaching session with me.
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:I don't think that would've been a great
way to help develop that relationship.
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:I wanted it to be warm.
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:We had a little chat about things,
but no more, certainly not more than
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:three or four minutes of the call.
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:And I do tend to extend first calls
with people anyway, so it didn't really
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:eat into any of the coaching value.
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:But once that is done, all right,
we know we're not here to chat.
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:We've come here to achieve some outcomes,
so let's get to it if you're ready.
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:And then we get into starting it.
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:I do think checking in with permission
with your clients is always a good
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:thing, even for simple things like that.
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:If you're ready to go, give me a yes.
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:How do you feel about
going into this topic?
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:Is that something you'd like to do?
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:Check in with permission.
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:Now, last time we said we were gonna
talk about this on this session.
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:Is that still something you'd
like to talk about or is there
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:something else on your mind?
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:So you are still letting them lead the
direction of the coaching session, but
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:you are the one who is holding the space
and keeping things on track for them.
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:So in one-to-one sessions, one of the
things that will really matter most
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:isn't just being a good listener, but
being really present on the calls.
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:And that does mean being a good listener,
but it also means staying tuned in, not
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:allowing yourself to be distracted by
other things that could be going on.
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:You may be waiting for
an email to come through.
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:You might know that the child minder
is gonna contact you any minute or your
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:partner or a new prospect who could
be reaching out to you at any time.
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:Those are not things that should
be distracting you in a 30 to
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:60 minute coaching session.
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:There are simple connection tools
that probably many of us have learned.
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:And if we're gonna be in visual contact
with our clients, whether that's in
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:person or on Zoom or some other platform.
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:We do want to try and have as close
to what can seem like eye contact as
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:possible, which does mean you will need
to be looking into your video camera
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:pretty much directly as if you are
looking into their eyes, which could
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:mean that you might miss out on some of
their expressions and things like that.
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:Now, I have a camera that actually comes
about a third of the way down my screen
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:because then I can fix the screen so
that the camera is more or less where the
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:client's faces for a one-to-one session.
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:And that way the eye
contact feels more real.
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:Definitely harder to do that with group,
but still you're probably not gonna be
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:able to really pay attention to people's
expressions and responses as much.
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:So looking direct into camera is
still very important and probably
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:less reason not to in a group session.
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:If you are online, when you are in person
with people, that eye contact generally
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:is more natural, especially one-to-one.
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:You're gonna have more natural
level of eye contact in groups.
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:You may want to hold yourself more in a
peripheral vision than a foveal vision.
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:Foveal is like looking directly
ahead, focusing on a spot.
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:Peripheral is more of an expanded vision
where you are able to see more out to the
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:sides and you'll notice more of what's
going on with your audience as well.
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:That may be more useful on course where
you are one-to-one with a camera looking
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:directly into that, whilst it's not gonna
be as focused as you might, if you were
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:able to watch them on the screen and
not be concerned about the eye contact,
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:it's still going to give you something.
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:So eye contact is really
important for connection.
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:But body language as well, I think it's
good when people can see your hands.
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:Not all the time necessarily,
but at least at various points.
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:Especially if you are someone who
likes to gesticulate like I do, and
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:use your hands what you're talking.
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:Be natural in your conversation with
people, and it does show a bit of
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:emotionality and want as well when you're
using your hands to talk, and it can
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:help to emphasize points that you're
making, especially in group sessions.
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:Whilst we don't want to be someone who
is just using our hands to talk and
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:not becoming a distraction from what
we're saying, we can use it to help
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:emphasize what we're talking about
and to be more natural on camera.
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:We do have more trust for people
when we can see their hands.
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:As strange as that might sound true,
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:Things like matching and
mirroring we've probably heard of.
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:So certainly that's easier to do
when you are in person with somebody
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:and you can see how they're sitting.
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:You can see their posture, you
can see whether they've got their
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:arms crossed, their legs crossed.
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:You can match or mirror those
postures yourself to help
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:develop rapport and connection.
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:These things are probably more important
when you are developing rapport In the
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:earlier stages, if you are naturally
good at connecting with people anyway,
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:you probably find yourself doing
those things and maybe even there's
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:a degrees to which we match and
mirror people in many different ways.
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:So we might be doing
that with our tonality.
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:We might be doing that with speed of which
we talk, not just with our physicality.
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:We might be doing that with the timbre
of our voice, the volume of our voice.
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:Or and other ways.
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:There can be other ways as well.
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:Some of the language we use can be
matching or mirroring too, so that
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:we help people to feel comfortable.
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:There is a really useful tool which
I know some people have labeled
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:as tactical empathy, which is
essentially repeating back what you
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:feel that the other person has said.
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:You might say something like, all
right, I hear what you're saying.
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:It sounds, and that sounds
a little bit like this.
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:Is that correct?
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:Or it seems that you may be feeling
this way about that from what you say.
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:Is that correct?
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:Not to do that, to put words into
their mouth, but only to reflect
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:back what they said to you.
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:It shows a deep level of listening
shows that you are being present
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:with your client on, especially on
one-to-one calls, and can be a very
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:useful tool in deepening connection
because people like to feel that
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:they're being really well listened to.
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:Undoubtedly using their name, especially
in earlier stages, not to the point
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:where it just seems ridiculous.
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:Not like in every single sentence,
but certainly a number of times.
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:The show where it helps you remember
the names for starters for the
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:longer term coaching relationship.
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:But people do tend to like
the sound of their name, so.
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:Don't be afraid to use people's names
where you possibly can, and that
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:can be good in group settings as
well, people feel even more seen if
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:they're in a group and you use their
names and connect with them directly.
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:So having some one-to-one interactions
on group coaching calls or group training
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:sessions can be really helpful as well.
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:Now, if you are on a platform doing
some coaching for whatever reason,
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:you may want to use whatever presenting
skills you have to help you to do that.
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:So think about these things
that I've said about.
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:Your competence and warmth and
approachability is still really important.
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:I think it's always a good idea in all
settings, one-to-one or group to frame
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:things up, to frame up your approach,
to frame up how the session is going
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:to run and how you do things and
that they can ask questions or where
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:there's opportunity for interactivity
or where you expect them to speak up.
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:Frame those things up early on.
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:This is one of the reasons why you
may want extra time on early sessions
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:with one-to-one clients so that
you can establish those things for
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:how coaching sessions are rather
than leaving them, having to figure
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:those things out as time goes on.
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:So you can set the scene up that
they're gonna know pretty much
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:what to expect for every coaching
session that they come onto.
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:But I think framing up is really
good for group calls as well.
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:But what about the times where you
feel that you are losing rapport.
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:You can take rapport as
meaning, trust and connection.
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:These things actually make that
rapport with your client relationships.
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:If you feel that you're losing that,
then I think you do want to getting
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:the energy back, meet them where
they're at, and try and lead them
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:energetically to a better place.
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:Part of doing that can be some matching
and mirroring as well, especially tonally,
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:especially with your voice, to notice how
they're speaking, how they're sounding.
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:Meet them as best you can where they are.
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:You don't wanna step into their
emotional state, but you want to
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:show that you are at least tuning
into them and present for that.
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:If it's the case that you feel
like you've messed up as the coach,
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:then I think it's important to
own that as quickly as possible.
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:We don't really ever want to be in a
coaching situation where we are trying
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:to avoid taking responsibility for
somewhere where we may have messed up.
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:It's not always the case that
we have though even sometimes
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:when we think have so.
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:Don't jump straight into always
taking responsibility for
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:whatever situation is going on.
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:You can check in with your clients and
if you feel you may have some culpability
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:in the direction that things are going,
which isn't desirable, then you can
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:certainly bring that up and maybe
say something along the lines of, I
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:feel like I may have some culpability
here in how we're directing this.
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:And if that's the case, I would
like to apologize for that.
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:That's not my intention.
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:Are you open to getting things back on
track And, you may find out from that
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:they feel it's not you, that it's just
something that's going on with them.
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:Something probably will come outta
that, a conversation that will likely
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:deepen the relationship is not necessary
for us to be perfect as coaches.
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:We are not really there to be flawless,
but we don't want to be doormats
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:either, where we take responsibility
for everything that may not be great in
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:a client's life or coaching situation.
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:We still want our clients to
take responsibility for their
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:part in whatever is going on.
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:People are still responsible
for their energy.
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:And you may find that even if a
client were to say to you, you made
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:me feel like this, we should know
as coaches that we don't make anyone
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:feel a certain kind of way unless you
have intentionally tried to do that.
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:I choose not to go down the path of,
well, you are making yourself feel like
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:that because it sounds really snide
and I don't think it's very helpful.
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:To still be from a place of understanding
and check in with your client.
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:We don't wanna give one of
those crappy apologies either.
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:There's not really an apology.
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:So I would say something along the
lines of, that's not my intention.
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:And if that's how it's come across.
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:I really apologize.
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:Help lead them to clarity.
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:They're either gonna
accept that or they're not.
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:But if you get pushback on that, I
don't think you wanna find yourself
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:in a position where you're defending
yourself, you may want to explore
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:something and say, oh, is this something
we can talk about a little more deeply?
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:But my intention here was for this, but
this seems to have been the outcome.
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:Instead, it's not where we want to go.
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:Can we talk about this and see
where things may have come wrong
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:so we can get things back on track
if you feel that's appropriate.
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:There is a degree to which you have to
let your intuition as a coach guide you
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:your ability to relate to people and
to connect with them in group settings.
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:I think one of the things we can
do that really does help and we'll
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:sometimes be resistant to doing this,
is to being open to sharing some of our
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:mistakes I do that less in one-to-one
coaching than perhaps I would in group
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:settings where I might tell a story.
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:Telling stories in one-to-one
coaching is a little different.
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:Some people have that coaching style
and it can work really well, and if
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:the coaching relationship is good
and solid, you maybe can do that.
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:But I think you have to
be very careful with it.
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:It can feel a little more
impersonal, but in a group setting.
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:It can actually feel more personal
and bring people in, so stories
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:can feel more appropriate in group
coaching, group training sessions,
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:and I wouldn't be afraid to use them.
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:We don't wanna put ourselves into stories
where we look like idiots or where we
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:damage our own credibility, but owning
some of our mistakes and showing that
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:we have learned from them, that we've
healed from them, learned from them, we've
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:moved on and we've gotten to a better
place, can still be really valuable.
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:And it doesn't have to just be ours.
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:It can be people that you've worked with.
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:It could be someone who's well known it
doesn't always have to be your story.
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:But sometimes it is good to share
the stories from your own life
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:where things haven't been perfect
or where you haven't done things.
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:Owning some of your flaws makes you
more accessible and more human, makes
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:you more vulnerable to your audience.
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:And we do want to show some level of
vulnerability, but we have to balance
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:that with, we mustn't make ourselves
look incompetent or incapable when
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:we're on the coaching calls as well.
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:'cause that is going to damage the
trust in the coaching relationship.
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:If you feel for some
reason the connection is.
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:Wonky with a client, I can't think
of a better word than that to use
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:right now, but you're not sure why.
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:Maybe just ask them, say, Hey,
things feel a little off, and I'm
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:not sure if it's something I've
said or if something's going on.
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:I.
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:Is this something we could talk about?
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:Do you feel this too?
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:Is something off, is there
something I should know about?
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:Because probably there is something there.
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:Your intuition is telling you that things
are not the way you are used to them
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:being in that coaching relationship and
more than not, it is not going to be you.
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:But it will lead into a
valuable coaching relationship.
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:And it also shows that you're really tuned
into them and that you are listening.
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:You are paying attention not just
to what they say, but to how they're
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:showing up energetically on their calls.
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:Now, you may have connection,
tips and ideas for how you
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:connect with your clients as well
that I haven't covered today.
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:I would love to hear them.
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:We certainly could include
some of those in the show.
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:And maybe you even have expertise
in this area that you would like to
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:share, please do reach out to myself
or Angie and we can discuss bringing
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:you on as a guest on the show.
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:We're gonna be bringing you
an episode very soon, which
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:is another interview episode.
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:Our second interview episode.
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:We're talking about AI for coaches, AI
tools, and how AI is changing the coaching
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:industry and is probably going to continue
to change that and how we can ride the
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:wave and make sure that we still have
business and clients as coaches so that
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:AI doesn't take everything away from us.
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:You're not gonna wanna miss that.
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:I hope you'll stay tuned with us
next week, the week after that, Angie
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:and I are gonna have a bit more of a
conversation about the AI tools that
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:we'll be using and how we're implementing
those in our business as well.
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:And we'll share that with you too.
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:So that's it for me for this week.
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:I hope you got some
value from the episode.