Episode 56

full
Published on:

14th May 2025

Enhancing Connection in Coaching Sessions

Maintaining Client Connection: Building Rapport and Energy Management Tips for Coaches

Summary

In this episode, Coach John discusses the importance of building and maintaining a strong connection with coaching clients, whether through one-to-one sessions or group coaching. He emphasises the value of smiling, energy management, and setting the right tone from the outset. Coach John also covers techniques such as tactical empathy, eye contact, body language, and storytelling to deepen client relationships. Additionally, he provides advice on how to regain lost rapport and respond to potential miscommunications. The episode concludes with a teaser for upcoming content on AI tools in coaching.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview

00:26 The Importance of Client Connection

01:32 Smiling: The First Step to Building Rapport

02:17 Maintaining Energy and Presence

06:10 Engaging Clients in One-to-One Sessions

08:20 Techniques for Group Coaching

13:50 Handling Lost Rapport and Client Disconnection

16:54 Sharing Personal Stories and Vulnerability

19:18 Conclusion and Upcoming Episodes

Want to contact the show? You can leave us a voicemail. It's free to do and we might feature you on our next episode. All you need to do is go to https://speakpipe.com/thecoachingclinicpodcast and leave us a message.

You can send us a video or voice message on LinkedIn:

John's LinkedIn Profile or go to PresentInfluence.com for coaching enquiries with John

Angie's LinkedIn Profile or visit AngieSpeaks.com

2023 Present Influence Productions The Coaching Clinic 56

Transcript
John:

Well, welcome to the show, and as you can already

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probably tell it's just me today.

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So Coach John with you and Angie will

be back with us for our next episode.

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But on this show today, we're gonna keep

it fairly short and we're gonna talk

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about connecting with clients and to make

sure that we do that well and to keep

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that connection going in the long-term

relationship we have with our clients and

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getting connection back where maybe

we have perhaps lost some rapport

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for some reason along the way.

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Now there's different types of connection

for sure in your coaching session.

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So if you are doing primarily one-to-one,

then you do probably want to focus

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more on the one-to-one connection.

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But if you're doing group coaching,

which may be in addition to one-to-one

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or that may be your primary form of

coaching then there are some different

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things you can use to help you do that.

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So there will be some things that

are core principles here and some

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things that will be a little different

depending on the nature of the connection

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that you are trying to establish.

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And there are times where we lose

connection or rapport with people

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along the way, or maybe it just weakens

a bit and we want to make sure it's

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as strong as it can possibly be.

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So in this shorter episode, that's

exactly what we want to cover today

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to help you make sure that you

and your clients feel connected.

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From the get go, one of the best

things you can always do is to be

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a natural smiler, especially in the

earlier stages of your relationship.

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We don't wanna be too serious

all the time with coaching.

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There are certainly times where we

maybe don't want to have a smile on our

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face when we're working with clients

'cause it might not be appropriate.

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But in the early stages of getting to

know someone, certainly welcoming a

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new client and getting onto initial

calls as well, a good smile really

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helps and a proper true smile.

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Smiling with the eyes, not

just with the mouth as well.

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And even if you are audio only, it still

makes a difference to how you sound.

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Smiling will definitely come through

one way or another, and it will

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come through in your energy as well.

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The physical act of smiling does

start to change our neurology a little

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bit, our brain chemistry, is without

a doubt that we can impact our own

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emotional state by our physicality.

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We will probably know that if we are

slouched over, and sound low energy.

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The chance, though, we're probably

feeling that as well, we are leading

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our energy further into that.

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But even if we're feeling a bit low

energy, if we sit ourselves up or stand

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up straight I know some people like

to coach while they're standing up.

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I believe some people even try and coach

whilst they're on treadmills these days.

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But, I am not one of those people.

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Now, I appreciate some people may have

physical limitations that might prevent

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some of these things, but for the

majority of people, sitting yourself

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upright, putting your shoulders back,

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plastering a smile over your

face and a real smile will

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change somewhat how you feel.

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And even if you are initially resisting

that, I do encourage you to do that.

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'cause your energy, you are the leader.

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You often hear Angie

saying You're the pace car.

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It's not just true for the content

of your coaching sessions, it's

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true for the energy of them as

well, the emotional energy of them.

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You set the tone to a greater degree,

especially when people initially come

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onto a coaching call or session with you.

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So whether you are doing one-to-one all

group, this counts for all of those.

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If your energy isn't good and strong, then

that will come across and may interfere

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with client's ability to connect with you.

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We do need to still strike a balance.

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We don't wanna have too much energy.

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We don't want to become

inaccessible to our clients,

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especially on one-to-one calls.

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So we want to keep it moderate.

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We probably ideally want to

aim for somewhere slightly

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above where most people are at.

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Now, if you are naturally

high energy, stick with that.

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Don't change it at all because people

will probably come to you for that

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and they'll expect it, and you may not

need to turn it up anymore than that.

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But if you are not a

naturally high energy person.

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The small shift isn't going to

feel too jarring for people.

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Whereas if you made a huge shift in

energy before doing these things, people

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start to wonder what's going on with

you, whether you take on something

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or whether something has happened.

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So you want to still stay true to you.

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This is all the thing about turning

up the dials just a little bit.

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When you are connecting, this is

probably more important with group

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situations where you do need to dial up

the energy, somewhat more noticeably.

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Again, you don't need to become a

hyperactive clowned version of yourself.

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You really just need to turn up

the dials a little bit to be the

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energy leader on the calls or the

sessions that you are leading.

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Very important for online, especially if

you are doing a Zoom group or conference,

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you may need to do that a little more

than if you were in person because

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you have other barriers to attention

and engagement in group settings.

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Especially online where people

could be attending to their mobile

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phone or checking their emails

whilst they're on a call with you.

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Especially noticeable when that's

one-to-one calls, but harder to observe

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those things and harder to call them

out as well when you are on group calls

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where you may have 5, 10, 15, 20, or more

people, and certainly if you're getting

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into the hundreds of people on a call, you

are never going to be able to manage that.

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The best you can do is try and

keep engagement checked in from

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time to time in those calls.

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Now, I think one of the best ways

to help yourself lead energy is

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to always aim to be in a state

of warmth and competence when you

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are coming into coaching sessions.

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I would say that's especially true when

you are engaging with brand new clients,

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but I think it's a great energy to be

approaching your coaching from as well.

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Warmth, competence, approachability.

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Be welcoming to connection

with your clients.

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Now, in one-to-one sessions, that

may mean that you start off with

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a little small talk connection.

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How are you, how have things been?

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You don't want to get into a

full, in-depth conversation.

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You are not just meeting up in

a coffee shop with a friend.

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You've come together to do something.

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But I think it's fine to check in,

have some pleasantries with people

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because that is how people are, I think.

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And I think if you were to come

onto a one-to-one coaching session,

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I had a coaching session this

morning with a married couple.

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And if I was to come onto that and

say right straight to business.

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On their very first

coaching session with me.

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I don't think that would've been a great

way to help develop that relationship.

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I wanted it to be warm.

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We had a little chat about things,

but no more, certainly not more than

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three or four minutes of the call.

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And I do tend to extend first calls

with people anyway, so it didn't really

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eat into any of the coaching value.

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But once that is done, all right,

we know we're not here to chat.

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We've come here to achieve some outcomes,

so let's get to it if you're ready.

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And then we get into starting it.

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I do think checking in with permission

with your clients is always a good

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thing, even for simple things like that.

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If you're ready to go, give me a yes.

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How do you feel about

going into this topic?

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Is that something you'd like to do?

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Check in with permission.

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Now, last time we said we were gonna

talk about this on this session.

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Is that still something you'd

like to talk about or is there

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something else on your mind?

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So you are still letting them lead the

direction of the coaching session, but

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you are the one who is holding the space

and keeping things on track for them.

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So in one-to-one sessions, one of the

things that will really matter most

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isn't just being a good listener, but

being really present on the calls.

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And that does mean being a good listener,

but it also means staying tuned in, not

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allowing yourself to be distracted by

other things that could be going on.

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You may be waiting for

an email to come through.

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You might know that the child minder

is gonna contact you any minute or your

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partner or a new prospect who could

be reaching out to you at any time.

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Those are not things that should

be distracting you in a 30 to

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60 minute coaching session.

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There are simple connection tools

that probably many of us have learned.

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And if we're gonna be in visual contact

with our clients, whether that's in

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person or on Zoom or some other platform.

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We do want to try and have as close

to what can seem like eye contact as

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possible, which does mean you will need

to be looking into your video camera

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pretty much directly as if you are

looking into their eyes, which could

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mean that you might miss out on some of

their expressions and things like that.

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Now, I have a camera that actually comes

about a third of the way down my screen

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because then I can fix the screen so

that the camera is more or less where the

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client's faces for a one-to-one session.

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And that way the eye

contact feels more real.

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Definitely harder to do that with group,

but still you're probably not gonna be

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able to really pay attention to people's

expressions and responses as much.

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So looking direct into camera is

still very important and probably

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less reason not to in a group session.

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If you are online, when you are in person

with people, that eye contact generally

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is more natural, especially one-to-one.

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You're gonna have more natural

level of eye contact in groups.

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You may want to hold yourself more in a

peripheral vision than a foveal vision.

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Foveal is like looking directly

ahead, focusing on a spot.

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Peripheral is more of an expanded vision

where you are able to see more out to the

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sides and you'll notice more of what's

going on with your audience as well.

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That may be more useful on course where

you are one-to-one with a camera looking

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directly into that, whilst it's not gonna

be as focused as you might, if you were

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able to watch them on the screen and

not be concerned about the eye contact,

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it's still going to give you something.

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So eye contact is really

important for connection.

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But body language as well, I think it's

good when people can see your hands.

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Not all the time necessarily,

but at least at various points.

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Especially if you are someone who

likes to gesticulate like I do, and

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use your hands what you're talking.

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Be natural in your conversation with

people, and it does show a bit of

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emotionality and want as well when you're

using your hands to talk, and it can

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help to emphasize points that you're

making, especially in group sessions.

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Whilst we don't want to be someone who

is just using our hands to talk and

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not becoming a distraction from what

we're saying, we can use it to help

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emphasize what we're talking about

and to be more natural on camera.

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We do have more trust for people

when we can see their hands.

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As strange as that might sound true,

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Things like matching and

mirroring we've probably heard of.

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So certainly that's easier to do

when you are in person with somebody

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and you can see how they're sitting.

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You can see their posture, you

can see whether they've got their

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arms crossed, their legs crossed.

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You can match or mirror those

postures yourself to help

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develop rapport and connection.

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These things are probably more important

when you are developing rapport In the

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earlier stages, if you are naturally

good at connecting with people anyway,

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you probably find yourself doing

those things and maybe even there's

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a degrees to which we match and

mirror people in many different ways.

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So we might be doing

that with our tonality.

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We might be doing that with speed of which

we talk, not just with our physicality.

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We might be doing that with the timbre

of our voice, the volume of our voice.

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Or and other ways.

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There can be other ways as well.

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Some of the language we use can be

matching or mirroring too, so that

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we help people to feel comfortable.

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There is a really useful tool which

I know some people have labeled

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as tactical empathy, which is

essentially repeating back what you

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feel that the other person has said.

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You might say something like, all

right, I hear what you're saying.

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It sounds, and that sounds

a little bit like this.

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Is that correct?

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Or it seems that you may be feeling

this way about that from what you say.

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Is that correct?

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Not to do that, to put words into

their mouth, but only to reflect

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back what they said to you.

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It shows a deep level of listening

shows that you are being present

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with your client on, especially on

one-to-one calls, and can be a very

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useful tool in deepening connection

because people like to feel that

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they're being really well listened to.

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Undoubtedly using their name, especially

in earlier stages, not to the point

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where it just seems ridiculous.

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Not like in every single sentence,

but certainly a number of times.

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The show where it helps you remember

the names for starters for the

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longer term coaching relationship.

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But people do tend to like

the sound of their name, so.

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Don't be afraid to use people's names

where you possibly can, and that

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can be good in group settings as

well, people feel even more seen if

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they're in a group and you use their

names and connect with them directly.

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So having some one-to-one interactions

on group coaching calls or group training

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sessions can be really helpful as well.

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Now, if you are on a platform doing

some coaching for whatever reason,

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you may want to use whatever presenting

skills you have to help you to do that.

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So think about these things

that I've said about.

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Your competence and warmth and

approachability is still really important.

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I think it's always a good idea in all

settings, one-to-one or group to frame

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things up, to frame up your approach,

to frame up how the session is going

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to run and how you do things and

that they can ask questions or where

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there's opportunity for interactivity

or where you expect them to speak up.

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Frame those things up early on.

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This is one of the reasons why you

may want extra time on early sessions

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with one-to-one clients so that

you can establish those things for

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how coaching sessions are rather

than leaving them, having to figure

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those things out as time goes on.

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So you can set the scene up that

they're gonna know pretty much

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what to expect for every coaching

session that they come onto.

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But I think framing up is really

good for group calls as well.

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But what about the times where you

feel that you are losing rapport.

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You can take rapport as

meaning, trust and connection.

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These things actually make that

rapport with your client relationships.

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If you feel that you're losing that,

then I think you do want to getting

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the energy back, meet them where

they're at, and try and lead them

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energetically to a better place.

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Part of doing that can be some matching

and mirroring as well, especially tonally,

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especially with your voice, to notice how

they're speaking, how they're sounding.

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Meet them as best you can where they are.

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You don't wanna step into their

emotional state, but you want to

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show that you are at least tuning

into them and present for that.

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If it's the case that you feel

like you've messed up as the coach,

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then I think it's important to

own that as quickly as possible.

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We don't really ever want to be in a

coaching situation where we are trying

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to avoid taking responsibility for

somewhere where we may have messed up.

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It's not always the case that

we have though even sometimes

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when we think have so.

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Don't jump straight into always

taking responsibility for

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whatever situation is going on.

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You can check in with your clients and

if you feel you may have some culpability

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in the direction that things are going,

which isn't desirable, then you can

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certainly bring that up and maybe

say something along the lines of, I

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feel like I may have some culpability

here in how we're directing this.

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And if that's the case, I would

like to apologize for that.

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That's not my intention.

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Are you open to getting things back on

track And, you may find out from that

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they feel it's not you, that it's just

something that's going on with them.

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Something probably will come outta

that, a conversation that will likely

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deepen the relationship is not necessary

for us to be perfect as coaches.

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We are not really there to be flawless,

but we don't want to be doormats

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either, where we take responsibility

for everything that may not be great in

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a client's life or coaching situation.

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We still want our clients to

take responsibility for their

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part in whatever is going on.

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People are still responsible

for their energy.

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And you may find that even if a

client were to say to you, you made

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me feel like this, we should know

as coaches that we don't make anyone

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feel a certain kind of way unless you

have intentionally tried to do that.

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I choose not to go down the path of,

well, you are making yourself feel like

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that because it sounds really snide

and I don't think it's very helpful.

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To still be from a place of understanding

and check in with your client.

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We don't wanna give one of

those crappy apologies either.

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There's not really an apology.

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So I would say something along the

lines of, that's not my intention.

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And if that's how it's come across.

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I really apologize.

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Help lead them to clarity.

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They're either gonna

accept that or they're not.

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But if you get pushback on that, I

don't think you wanna find yourself

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in a position where you're defending

yourself, you may want to explore

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something and say, oh, is this something

we can talk about a little more deeply?

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But my intention here was for this, but

this seems to have been the outcome.

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Instead, it's not where we want to go.

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Can we talk about this and see

where things may have come wrong

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so we can get things back on track

if you feel that's appropriate.

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There is a degree to which you have to

let your intuition as a coach guide you

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your ability to relate to people and

to connect with them in group settings.

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I think one of the things we can

do that really does help and we'll

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sometimes be resistant to doing this,

is to being open to sharing some of our

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mistakes I do that less in one-to-one

coaching than perhaps I would in group

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settings where I might tell a story.

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Telling stories in one-to-one

coaching is a little different.

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Some people have that coaching style

and it can work really well, and if

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the coaching relationship is good

and solid, you maybe can do that.

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But I think you have to

be very careful with it.

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It can feel a little more

impersonal, but in a group setting.

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It can actually feel more personal

and bring people in, so stories

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can feel more appropriate in group

coaching, group training sessions,

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and I wouldn't be afraid to use them.

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We don't wanna put ourselves into stories

where we look like idiots or where we

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damage our own credibility, but owning

some of our mistakes and showing that

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we have learned from them, that we've

healed from them, learned from them, we've

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moved on and we've gotten to a better

place, can still be really valuable.

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And it doesn't have to just be ours.

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It can be people that you've worked with.

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It could be someone who's well known it

doesn't always have to be your story.

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But sometimes it is good to share

the stories from your own life

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where things haven't been perfect

or where you haven't done things.

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Owning some of your flaws makes you

more accessible and more human, makes

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you more vulnerable to your audience.

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And we do want to show some level of

vulnerability, but we have to balance

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that with, we mustn't make ourselves

look incompetent or incapable when

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we're on the coaching calls as well.

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'cause that is going to damage the

trust in the coaching relationship.

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If you feel for some

reason the connection is.

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Wonky with a client, I can't think

of a better word than that to use

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right now, but you're not sure why.

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Maybe just ask them, say, Hey,

things feel a little off, and I'm

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not sure if it's something I've

said or if something's going on.

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I.

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Is this something we could talk about?

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Do you feel this too?

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Is something off, is there

something I should know about?

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Because probably there is something there.

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Your intuition is telling you that things

are not the way you are used to them

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being in that coaching relationship and

more than not, it is not going to be you.

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But it will lead into a

valuable coaching relationship.

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And it also shows that you're really tuned

into them and that you are listening.

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You are paying attention not just

to what they say, but to how they're

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showing up energetically on their calls.

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Now, you may have connection,

tips and ideas for how you

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connect with your clients as well

that I haven't covered today.

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I would love to hear them.

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We certainly could include

some of those in the show.

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And maybe you even have expertise

in this area that you would like to

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share, please do reach out to myself

or Angie and we can discuss bringing

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you on as a guest on the show.

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We're gonna be bringing you

an episode very soon, which

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is another interview episode.

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Our second interview episode.

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We're talking about AI for coaches, AI

tools, and how AI is changing the coaching

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industry and is probably going to continue

to change that and how we can ride the

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wave and make sure that we still have

business and clients as coaches so that

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AI doesn't take everything away from us.

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You're not gonna wanna miss that.

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I hope you'll stay tuned with us

next week, the week after that, Angie

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and I are gonna have a bit more of a

conversation about the AI tools that

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we'll be using and how we're implementing

those in our business as well.

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And we'll share that with you too.

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So that's it for me for this week.

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I hope you got some

value from the episode.

Listen for free

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About the Podcast

The Coaching Clinic
The HEart of Coaching from learning to client sessions, starting to scaling, we've got you covered.
She's direct and he's diplomatic but Angie Besignano and John Ball are both successful coaches with years of coaching experience and very different delivery styles.
Each episode will tackle a different coaching problem from both styles of coaching, with occasional guest coaches and audience interaction. We're going to have some fun digging into your biggest coaching challenges and helping you become an even better coach.

About your hosts

John Ball

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From former flight attendant to international coach and trainer, on to podcaster and persuasion expert, it's been quite the journey for John.
John has been a lead coach and trainer with the Harv Eker organisation for over 10 years and is currently focused on helping his clients develop their personal presentation skills for media and speaking stages through his coaching business brand Present Influence.
He's the author of the upcoming book Podfluence: How To Build Professional Authority With Podcasts, and host of the Podfluence podcast with over 150 episodes and over 15,000 downloads John is now focused on helping business coaches and speakers to build a following and grow your lead flow and charisma.
You can now also listen to John on The Coaching Clinic podcast with his good friend and colleague Angie Besignano where they are helping coaches create sustainable and successful businesses, and the Try To Stand Up podcast where John is on a personal and professional mission to become funnier on the stage and in his communication.

Angie Besignano

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With early beginnings as an entry-level manager in the sales industry, Angie has spent more than 3 decades building her knowledge and expertise to create her master coaching and speaking brand, AngieSpeaks. After climbing the professional ladder, she started her own company and decided to focus her practice on High Performance Coaching. In doing so, she challenges individuals to elevate and grow, no matter what level they are at currently in their personal or professional lives.
Angie has created a strong following through her “tough” but “pragmatic” approach and challenges her clients to find the space that is holding them back the most. In doing so, their outcomes not only compound, but take root, so that results can be permanent. The tools she provides work in the “real” world and show up in their first interaction.
Angie has an unwavering passion toward the journey that fosters a true transformation for those that work with her. She delivers her content and speaking engagements with an authentic enthusiasm and curiosity that creates trust and rapport, allowing for a heightened experience.