When Life Happens: Knowing When to Postpone a Coaching Session

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Hey everyone.

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Welcome back to the Coaching Clinic

with your host today, Angie Besignano.

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I am your solo host today, which

of course, I miss my John, but

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I have no problem sitting and

talking with you all about this

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topic that I chose for this week.

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I think it's super important.

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I don't think it's one that we discuss

enough, so let me introduce it to you.

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I'm excited to ask you this question.

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Do you ever consider, and maybe this is

for, some of our more seasoned coaches,

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when is it time for you to call the

session because your energy is off?

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I know there's a lot of, not even

controversy, but there is talk about

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this sometimes and I don't think

that there's enough talk about.

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How we as coaches are not superheroes.

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We're still human.

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And although we have tools and

techniques that we have probably

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learned and accumulated over the

years, we're still human first.

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Anything you do, you're human

first, and if we're not honoring

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ourselves from that human space,

what then happens to the sessions?

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Just something to think about.

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It's been coming up a lot, and I know we

talk a lot about energy and other people's

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energy, but not our own energy as coaches.

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And it's not just who do you become

when you, step into a session.

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Right.

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I all kind of shift a little bit.

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We change a little bit because we're

wearing a different hat in that timeframe.

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But I'm gonna start with this.

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I didn't really pay any

attention to this until.

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receiving, I was going through

the process of getting certified.

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It's in one of the certifications that

I acquired and achieved, I should say.

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at the time I was trained

that, you are the PACE car.

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You have to show up, you have to set

the example, you have to push through.

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you have to push through

almost no matter what.

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Now, I didn't question it at the time

because unfortunately I come from a

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time and a place a generation where

work ethic actually meant something.

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And if you worked hard, you were

able to, move yourself upward.

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It was such different time.

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So it became my pattern and my

habit that pushing through and

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pushing through and pushing through.

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I realized there was something

very fundamentally wrong with that.

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Now, I don't want anybody to come at me.

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I always say that you might feel

differently, and I would love to

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hear how do you manage that, right?

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If you are that person that can

consistently push through no

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matter what, how do you do that?

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Because obviously as We, the

most important piece here is that

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we are delivering, a high level

session for our clients, right?

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We all, that's the goal.

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We want to do that.

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And I do believe, let me just kind of

put the contrast out there, I do believe

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that there are certain circumstances

under which we should push through.

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Now maybe it's illness like, oh, my

allergies are bothering me today.

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Well, I get that they're uncomfortable.

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is it gonna hinder your ability

to deliver that top-notch session?

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or is it something that you

can take medication or push

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through Right in that time?

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I I had a circumstance where there

was a pretty hefty, situation

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in my life, my personal life.

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There was a death of, a family member and.

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My belief system told me,

that I should push through.

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I had no right to be doing that

coaching session, and it wasn't

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because it was a horrible.

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I'm not even sure that anybody

would've necessarily known the

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difference except that I, my energy,

it could not have been the same.

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It could not have been because

I wasn't feeling the same.

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Now, that is obviously an extreme

right, between having an allergy like

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and having a death in the family.

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But I have to be honest, I feel

like one of our bigger obligations

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as a coach or as coaches.

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Is to allow people to

remember that they are human.

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We are all human first.

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And again, I'm not saying

like every little thing that

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happens, you stubbed your toe.

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Now you're not coaching today.

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But I think it's not fair to set

up an unrealistic expectation.

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I think it's important to remain

human while we are coaching our

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clients because they're human.

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Otherwise, I feel like we're

setting up this like unrealistic.

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Negative precedent for them that

they're supposed to able to do.

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I I it's fair.

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You know, one of the practices that I

have is, you know, when I'm about to

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start working with somebody, I literally

add an extra 10 so minutes on the

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first session just to go through some

housekeeping, with them and just tell

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them like, you know, here's the thing.

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If I don't show up for a session

for some reason, like literally

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I, Angie, I'm a no-show.

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I'm probably dead or in the hospital, and

I know that sounds like crazy, but it is.

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I've never not shown up for a session.

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So if I do not show up, there is a

very, probably not good reason why.

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However, on the flip side of that,

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I've had to unlearn and relearn when

it's okay for me to remain human.

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And again, there are so many

degrees of emotional intelligence

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and self-regulation, right?

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If you had an argument with your

spouse or your kid is not doing well,

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they're failing in school, or maybe

God forbid, one of your children is

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ill, does that give you permission?

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To stop showing up.

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And I I kind of again, feel like it's a

very specific, it's a very individual.

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The answer's there.

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And I think, again, there's

degrees of that negativity.

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And as coaches, I think it's important

if I say to a client, so here's the deal.

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If I don't give you 24 hours notice,

it is for you and your benefit.

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If I get sick with the flu, you don't

want me, by the way, to do your session.

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I probably could pull it off and

sound awful and I'm seasoned enough.

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I could probably air quotes, get away

with it, but I don't wanna do that.

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I don't feel like it's fair and

I would rather honor my client.

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Right?

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It's not about honoring me, it's about

honoring my client and say, you know what?

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It's not fair to you.

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I am really under the weather.

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I've had 102 fever.

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Do you ever do a session for the coaches

out there who have been around a while?

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Have you ever done a session when you've

had the flu or you're really sick or

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something is really negatively going on?

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How was your session?

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How were you after that session?

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it could be even something as

simple as having a not so great

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session with the client before.

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Saying, okay, wait a minute.

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I need to manage this negative

energy because I don't wanna

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bring that to my next session.

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Of course, that's not fair.

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So there should be tools that you utilize.

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I do some, you know, quick

meditations to cleanse my emotional

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and mental palette, if you will.

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That's what I say to people.

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I, I do that so that when I come into

a session, I am able to receive you.

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Where you're at and then take that session

organically to where it needs to be.

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Because even if I'm in a great

mood and I had a great session and

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everything is wonderful, I need to be

able to understand and meet with that

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client where they are in that moment.

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And if my energy's too high up and

they're just not even feeling that,

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meet them where they are at first to, so

that I can understand, what's going on.

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I actually had a client who, had

a deaf in the family and this

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was kind of the big learning for

me, and they wanted to do that.

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they they showed up the very

next day for the session.

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And I could tell something was off and

I said, you know, Hey, what's going on?

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And this was within the first 10

minutes and they shared that they

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had a death in the family relative.

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It wasn't like some distant, you

know, aunt Cat something or other.

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and I said, well, you know, how

come you're here today, right?

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Like, you should have let me know.

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You could have let me know,

And they said, well, you know.

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when you had a death in your

family, you showed up for me.

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So that sounds all warm and fuzzy and

like a little kumbaya, but I realized

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that was my moment as a coach that.

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I did a disservice because

that client was ready to push

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through and the eyes are swollen.

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You could still hear the stuffiness.

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They probably were crying like a

minute before they got on the call,

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and I don't do therapy, right?

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I'm not a therapist, so of

course I could say, how are you?

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How are you feeling?

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What do you need?

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But what they're going

through is obviously a lot

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deeper in that moment than.

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somebody who's like, got a snuffle from

an allergy, again, degrees of things.

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So I, I I guess all in all, what

I'm trying to say here is that we

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have an obligation to honor our

clients and then give them grace.

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To them to be human.

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And the same goes for us.

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You know, you never, I'm gonna just

say this for the record, don't want

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me to coach you if I have the flu.

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You don't want me to coach you if

I suffered a death in the family.

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I am human as well, and with all the tools

that are in my toolbox, I am still human

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and I should allow myself to feel the

feels of whatever that is in that moment.

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But now maybe there isn't some

big thing going on in your life.

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Maybe it wasn't an argument with

a spouse or a bad day at work.

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What happens when you wake up on

those days and we all have them

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where you just don't feel like it.

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You feel like doing four or five or

six sessions feels like running on a

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treadmill at full speed the entire day.

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Now, that I think is a big and

challenging question, and I've been

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there, I'm sure that all or most of you

have been there well, what do you do?

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Right?

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Because that's not, to me, that's

to, that's one of those spaces

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where I have to check myself.

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And is it, is it pertaining something

specific or is it really just, you

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know, I'm just getting a little rundown.

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I'm starting to feel it and my,

is my self-care not top notch?

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Am I not in the right place?

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Whatever it is, how do I handle the day?

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And that's where I start.

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Reaching into that tool belt and

saying to myself, okay, I need

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to be able to shift out of this

because I have to go to work today.

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I have to show up for these

people, and I want to give them

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the very best that I have to give.

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And this is not it.

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Right?

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I know it's not it.

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so what I'm curious, I I really am

putting all these questions out there

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because John and I would both love to

engage and hear what you have to say.

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How do you manage yourself?

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When life is happening for you and

you're actually just being human,

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how do you do that in every day?

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I would love to hear it.

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I would love to know what you you utilize.

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Maybe come on the show and have

a conversation with us about it.

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would be fabulous.

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And just remember that most

of the, our clients are going

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to look at us and follow.

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Our example, and again,

learned that the hard way.

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I didn't want this person to show up.

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They were in no way, shape or

form, ready have a session with

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me, but they felt obligated.

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I'd even had clients say, well,

I didn't wanna let you down.

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And I was like, wait a minute.

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You know, this isn't

about letting me down.

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This is your coaching journey.

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So, you know, Sometimes we do have

to check that and ask ourselves like,

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what did I do or say that maybe,

know, led them to believe that.

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They that by not, showing up,

they'd be letting me down somehow.

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there's always our rules, right?

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We have to set up and

parameters and boundaries.

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Like, you know, what a no-show looks

like, and if I'm only not showing up

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because I'm dead or in the hospital,

kind of expect the same from them.

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That is, I think, a mutual expectation.

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That's not unreasonable, but

again, when it's not so extreme.

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How do we manage that?

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How do you manage yourself as a coach

when it's just challenging to be a coach?

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Right.

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We are constantly expelling.

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We're constantly getting rid of energy.

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We're constantly using our energy.

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What are you doing to fill it back up

so that you are still able to deliver

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the best coaching that you can?

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My rule of thumb is that there isn't one.

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My rule of thumb is that I believe that

we have to be honest with ourselves and.

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Think about the client first and say,

am I able to deliver my very best today?

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And if that answer turns out to be no,

then I think we need to have maturity to

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be able to say, today's just not the day.

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I cannot, I cannot move past

this, therefore I'm unable

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to deliver the best of of me.

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Illness, other things, again,

always come into play, but remember.

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You are, you're doing a job,

you are providing a service.

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And how would you feel if I don't

know you're surgeon and not that

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we're surgeons, but you know, going

in for surgery and your surgeon's

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like, yeah, I'm a little off today.

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know, not feeling so great.

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Not feeling as sharp.

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I'm a little distracted.

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Oh, no.

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no.

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So I get, we're not surgeons, but.

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If somebody was that, you know,

providing a service for you that

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you were, that you felt was very

important and they gave you that as an

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answer, how would that make you feel?

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So love to hear back.

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I could go on and on with this

and that's why I'm inviting you.

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I would love to hear what you have to say,