The Art of Interruption: Keeping Coaching Sessions on Track
Navigating Client Conversations: When and How to Interrupt Effectively
Summary
In this episode, John and Angie dive into the challenges of managing client conversations, specifically focusing on the feelings of being rude when interrupting. They discuss the importance of knowing when and how to interrupt clients respectfully, especially when they go off-topic or dominate the conversation. Strategies for redirecting conversations, enhancing communication skills, and managing group dynamics in coaching sessions are also explored. The duo emphasizes setting session expectations, balancing client expression, and maintaining control without being disrespectful.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Setting the Scene
00:22 Discussing Interruptions in Coaching
02:21 Strategies for Effective Interruptions
05:14 Respectful Communication Techniques
06:52 Handling Different Client Dynamics
16:25 Managing Group Coaching Sessions
24:47 Balancing Energy and Communication Styles
38:24 Conclusion and Listener Engagement
Keywords
coaching, interruptions, client communication, redirecting, group coaching, coaching dynamics, client boundaries, effective communication, coaching strategies, coaching sessions, coaching, group dynamics, communication, presence, focus, coaching strategies, client engagement, effective communication, coaching techniques, coaching skills
Takeaways
Interruptions can be a natural part of coaching conversations.
It's important to redirect clients without being rude.
Setting expectations at the beginning of sessions is crucial.
Group coaching requires careful management of dynamics.
Coaches should maintain control to ensure effective sessions.
Asking for permission shows respect.
Recognizing the energy of the conversation can guide interventions.
Clients often appreciate being redirected when done respectfully.
Establishing boundaries helps in managing client expectations.
Effective communication styles can enhance coaching outcomes. Group dynamics can be unpredictable and require careful management.
Maintaining presence and focus is crucial for effective coaching.
Coaches should be patient and allow clients to articulate their thoughts.
It's important to balance speaking pace with client needs.
Effective communication involves listening and redirecting when necessary.
Coaches should avoid dominating conversations and allow space for clients.
Interrupting can be a skill that needs to be mastered respectfully.
Coaches should be aware of their own speaking styles and adjust accordingly.
Rants may be entertaining but are not effective in coaching contexts.
Engaging clients in a focused manner enhances the coaching experience.
Transcript
John,
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:John: Angie,
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:Angie: do you think I am rude?
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:John: look who you're asking.
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:Are you sure you want me to
answer this question, Angie?
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:Angie: Oh, come on.
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:Seriously.
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:John: My mum always says
don't ask questions you don't
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:want to hear the answer to.
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:Angie: Oh, you're terrible.
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:John: I wouldn't exactly call
you rude, but why do you ask?
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:Angie: Because I noticed lately that
I am interrupting clients that are
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:what I feel like they're talking
too much and it just feels rude.
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:John: Ah, yeah, I get you.
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:I've been there.
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:Look, I think that's a great topic for
our episode today, so let's get into it.
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:Angie: Absolutely.
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:Yeah, like this is a real thing.
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:John: Is it is and sometimes it can
be a real Bane of being a coach.
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:It's like I know this I've had podcast
co hosts who taught too much, I have
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:to deal with that as well Angie.
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:Angie: Yeah.
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:And it's similar and I think
it, I think the thing about
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:it is that it goes against.
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:What we're taught, right?
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:Don't interrupt, right?
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:That's, we're taught not to be rude.
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:We're taught that you don't interrupt
people when they're speaking,
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:but I am very consciously aware
that I have been interrupting.
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:More.
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:I feel like lately, I don't know why
that would be but now I'm seeing it.
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:I'm seeing that I am interrupting
when I feel like, I don't know.
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:I think it's when I feel like
it's becoming irrelevant and
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:it's just becoming a story.
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:He said, she said, or something like that.
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:And I'm like no, we're going way off path
here way out we're rolling into the weeds
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:and now we're letting ourselves on fire.
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:John: I am all for 100 Giving clients The
space to be able to express themselves
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:and to say what's really on their mind But
I also am very aware that sometimes they
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:get into loops ruts Stuck on something
I certainly sometimes work with people
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:who are trying to figure out what they
want to say while they say it And it can
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:end up taking a really long time Or it
just becomes very one sided that they
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:just want to monologue to you Give you
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:Angie: Yeah,
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:John: Just unburden themselves,
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:Angie: it's like they're venting space.
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:It's like I need and listen, I'm going
to say that there is value, if a client
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:comes to a session and they're really
feeling it right, they're all up in their
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:own emotions and in their heads, sometimes
you need to give them a little bit of
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:space just to vomit out all of the toxic.
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:But even then when you even hear there
may be, there was an ending to the
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:story that they're not aware of to say,
okay, so I think there's a couple of,
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:as I was thinking about doing this and
talking about this, obviously there's
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:a few things that I think about,
but I want to hear your perspective.
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:So I think when we are interrupting,
number one is when is it appropriate?
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:When I think we touched on that,
like, when is it appropriate?
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:But I also think how we
do it is super important.
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:So when you're interrupting,
even if it's somebody who's on
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:your podcast, how do you do it?
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:John: There's a few different ways and
That I like to use and I will say this is
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:something I got better at the more I did
podcast interviewing that actually helped
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:me a lot in client sessions so sometimes
I'll say If they're going on a bit, I will
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:say Oh, that's very interesting what you
just said there You Sorry for the chip
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:or I might say oh sorry to drop but what
you just said that was really interesting
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:Can we talk a little bit more about that?
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:And so you're still directing and
driving the conversation in that sense
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:and there are times where I Have had
to sometimes interrupt because I don't
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:Do a live show with my podcast and my
coaching calls are private, they're
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:one to one Unless i'm in group, but
there have been times I had to say.
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:All right, we have to It would be
good to keep this a little bit briefer
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:so that we can stay on track with
this So so tell me what's really
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:going on here Because it's they know
then that you're still pushing them.
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:You're not just saying you're not
just saying all right Could you
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:just shut up for a moment, please?
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:You're saying
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:Angie: And listen, I'm going
to say this for the record.
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:It's never a good idea to tell
somebody to be quiet or shut up.
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:Never a good idea.
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:John: No, I don't think it's in
a client situation particularly.
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:It's very disrespectful if you're
interviewing somebody, is also
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:Disrespectful unless it's a joke
and banter that you both get that
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:and you're both laughing about it.
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:That's fine but Anything outside of that
probably is not so I don't recommend it.
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:It's very confrontational to
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:Angie: Listen, okay.
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:So you just hit that,
the nail on the head.
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:We as coaches, let's recognize here that
we as coaches We can feel things too.
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:There are clients in general
that it's not situational, right?
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:There's clients that will come to coaching
and, maybe they think it's therapy.
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:They don't really know that how
this is supposed to look and
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:it's our job to redirect them.
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:But then there are those people
like it or not, who just love to
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:complain, who just love to talk.
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:And maybe it's because they're not
getting that space any place else
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:in their lives, like whatever it is.
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:But we still have an obligation to
them to steer and direct or redirect.
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:So we have to watch our own energy.
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:And as you guys might know, by
now, after all these episodes,
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:we've been doing this for a year
now I think that, John has really.
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:A different kind of energy than I do.
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:So I have an energy
that I'm very aware of.
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:I have tonality that I'm very aware of.
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:So when I am interrupting, I recognize
that I have to be very intentional.
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:Before I interrupt, I have
to make sure that I'm not,
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:Using my, we're laughing because it's
because I'm very direct in general.
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:So I really do have to
be like wait a minute.
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:I have to check my energy so that
I don't come off as disrespectful,
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:combative, or anything like that.
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:Because the last thing I'm going
to do with a client is debate.
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:John: Yeah Did you ever get into
that stuff of many like coaching
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:programs or anything like that where
you talk about these different?
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:communication styles of direct
communication and indirect communication
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:And I definitely probably fell
more into when I first came across
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:that oh yeah, I'm more of the
indirect communicator, but not.
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:Not always I think there we have whichever
side you fall into whether you do tend
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:to be more direct or whether you do
tend to maybe dance around things and
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:try and Get people to get into the
groove rather than just saying something
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:directly There are times where you have
to be direct if you're not naturally
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:direct and there are times where maybe
you do want to be A bit more indirect
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:when you're a direct communicator like
we can learn from that I do try to be a
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:little more direct with people because
it's really helpful And in coaching
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:situations, it can be really beneficial.
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:We can cut to things a lot quicker if
we're not If we're not dancing around an
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:issue if we actually just say hey look
Can I be direct and honest with you here?
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:I'm gonna ask for permission before I do
this But can I be direct with you here?
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:And tell you what's really what's coming
up for me in my mind right now and this
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:might be wrong But this is just what i'm
getting and then you can sound it out
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:Angie: You need to let them
know that it's an observation
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:and like I love what you said.
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:There's a few things, right?
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:Number one is especially if you
don't know your clients so well
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:yet, you want to ask for permission.
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:May I ask a question?
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:And they could be in the middle
of talking you say, you know what?
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:Can we just take a pause for one second?
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:May I ask you a question?
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:And so they feel respected they
still feel valued because that's
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:important We don't want to come in,
like a bull in a china shop going.
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:Whoa, whoa Now wait a second.
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:I have some clients that i've had for
eight years right at this point And I
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:know them well, right and they know me
well To a degree and I will sometimes
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:do a healthy call out and say Wait, let
me pause really is that the truth like
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:I will my tone changes I'm a little bit
more direct And i'm not pussyfooting
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:around i'm really going directly into it
Because I know that they know that I know
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:and they know like it's a whole thing.
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:But I really think that while you're
establishing Respect It's very important
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:actually to disallow them because you
know what I've trained coaches when
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:I'm listening to their sessions and
I've heard people give feedback at
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:the end of a session that's part of
what we did with this other space.
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:Where a client is actually aware it
may not be in the moment, but after the
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:end of the session They're going to be
aware like, you really didn't coach me.
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:Just let me ramble They want to be we
mostly they want to be redirect They
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:are relying on us and our expertise
to help guide them through And maybe
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:get them out of the weeds and put out,
extinguish that fire a bit So there's
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:a whole slew of things where You
know this we've talked about therapy.
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:Sometimes you can hear the sound like the
sirens going off Like this needs to be
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:a therapeutic space for this person, too
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:John: Yeah there are times and I think
this is more a case of like you have
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:to judge it on the situation and what
you're Understanding from it but if
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:you're really seeing that this is Just
happening all the time with a client or
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:this you think is going that way Then
I don't think it is a bad thing to call
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:that out and say hey look Can we just
as you say can we stop take a moment?
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:Here's what seems to be happening
now, and i'm not sure it's productive
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:To getting the results that we
probably want to get from our coaching
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:sessions, but tell me what you think
Here's what I think is going on.
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:It's like The conversation isn't
really a conversation right now and
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:we're doing a lot of talking but we're
not getting to anything substantive.
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:So If it's okay with you, I want to
try it this way that we're going to
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:direct the conversation a bit more.
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:And if I feel we're getting off
track, I might interrupt you
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:and just say, Hey, look, can we
get things back on track here?
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:And I want you to because I want you
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:to be able to come away from your
coaching session, feeling that
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:we've done something valuable.
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:Not that you've not that I've just let
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:Angie: Yeah,
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:John: you.
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:Talk for
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:Angie: I don't, yeah, I try not
to use the word ramble on and on.
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:Don't want to say that.
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:John: Yeah and clients Tricky it
can be tricky as well because i've
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:had this where clients have said.
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:Oh, yeah Don't let me ramble on and on
and they've said that and it's no i'm not
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:saying that you're rambling I just want
to say it's okay, but I think there's
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:a better way we could be doing this.
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:Angie: Actually, one of this is very true.
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:One of the things I do is when I, when
somebody actually signs up with me and
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:signs on with me, our first session,
they get a little bit of extra time
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:because I spend about five to 10 minutes
in that first session going over some
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:housekeeping, like things that they need
to know about how I run the business.
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:Hey, if I call you and you don't
show up, like those kinds of things.
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:And one of the things that I say is,
and I have to be really honest, I
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:don't want to scare you, there are
going to be times within our coaching
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:sessions where I will interrupt you.
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:So I don't, I'm telling you now, I don't
want you to receive it as me being rude.
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:It's that I need, I see a need
in that moment to redirect.
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:understand where it's coming from.
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:I just set the precedent
because I do all the time.
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:John: I do.
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:I do a similar thing.
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:I like to frame up how the coaching is
going to work in that early in that first
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:session and I Say similar things to you.
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:And I will do that permission
thing in that session, but I
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:will do it again later simply.
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:'cause I don't just think, oh
I, one permission is enough.
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:I want to remind them , that I ask
them for permission before I do it,
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:it is okay, let me just check in.
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:Here's what I'd like to do.
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:I think it's great respect for them.
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:But in my experience.
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:In my experience The people who really
do want to just talk and talk they
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:will not Let you interrupt them.
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:That's what I
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:Angie: a good point.
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:So what do you do with the ones
that are like pummeling through
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:you and your advances, right?
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:And you're trying to get them
to go in a different direction.
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:So how do you handle that?
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:John: when they're not picking If that's
only ever going to happen for one session
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:tops one session And so if i'm trying to
interrupt and they're just ignoring it
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:Or they just plan through it as you say
if we get to the end of a session And
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:I haven't really had this with clients
as much as i've had it with podcast
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:guests But I could see it happening
in a session as well but if we get to
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:the end of a session and it feels like
i've just been to their ted talk We
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:want to have a conversation with that.
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:This is the end of our session We
can actually need to have a chat
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:and evaluate that because do you
feel that was an effective session?
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:Is this how you want
things to go in the future?
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:Because this isn't how I coach where
you just talk for half an hour or an
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:hour and I just listen to it that is
not coaching so let's have a think about
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:how things could either be different on
our next session or Maybe we need to re
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:evaluate if this was the right decision.
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:Yeah, it's like it has to be that for
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:Angie: absolutely we have to
listen we have to I've said this
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:to you We've talked about it.
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:We have to be the pace car of the session
There's a reason why we're in the position
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:that we're in but at the same time I
think to sometimes we have to listen to
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:the energy so if somebody's just rambling
and then the dog ate that then it's
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:You know, just minutia or there's this
energy and you could hear the angst or
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:the anger or the eruption of emotions
That's a little bit different and in those
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:moments when it's really super energy.
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:I will say Okay, wait John, I hear you.
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:I think we need to take a pause.
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:I just want you to take a couple
of deep breaths for me because
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:I hear it and there's nothing
that's going to stop it unless I
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:just stop it right in that moment.
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:Again, if somebody's just rambling
and I'm like, so wait, let me ask you
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:so how relevant is what you just said
to me to the overall Because I want
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:them to see, I don't want to point
out what I think is wrong with it.
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:I want them to see it for themselves,
to try and get them out of that habit.
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:Because some people it is just habitual,
but some people it is situational.
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:And in the situational spaces, what I try
to do is just read or stop that energy.
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:Let them take a few, a few
cleansing breaths and say, okay.
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:Now let's get straight to this.
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:This is what I heard, right?
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:So that's a really, it takes a couple
of minutes I think to even do that.
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:We have to honor where they're at
because whatever it is, they're feeling
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:it, whether it's the situational
space or they just, I used to call
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:it like the Charlie Brown teacher.
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:You can't
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:John: Wah wah.
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:Angie: Yeah.
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:'cause that's not what we want
our sessions to sound like.
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:Obviously.
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:That was good.
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:John, can we do
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:John: It was.
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:Wah, wah, wah.
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:Angie: Okay.
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:We're done anyhow.
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:John: love that.
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:Yeah.
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:Angie: now we don't what to say
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:John: No, I think there's a situation
where this becomes even more important
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:which is in group settings and It's hard.
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:It's harder to reign people in in
group settings than it is In the jaw
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:ones and there's a few different ways.
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:It tends to go in my experience Anyway,
one is the person who wants to be like The
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:teacher's pet I guess and they just they
want to ask all the questions and they
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:want to really be your favorite another
is like the star performer who just
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:wants to stage the whole time and doesn't
really want to give Anyone else a look in?
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:And then there is the Right, and then
there's the ramblers, the people who just
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:are not very good at being succinct and
maybe not just maybe just not used to
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:communicating or operating in these sorts
of coaching environments where it really
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:does help if they can be more succinct.
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:And in all of those situations, it is
going to be up to you to direct and
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:guide them into the correct path because
you are more precarious in a situation.
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:In my opinion where if you are
the coach on the call and you're
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:letting one person dominate the call
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:Angie: Oh, absolutely.
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:John: Everyone else on that call is
going to blame you for it because
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:you are supposed to be the person in
control of the call And so you have
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:to re establish control but Not in
a way that needs to upset anyone.
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:You can either re establish control of,
Alright, I love your questions and I
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:love that you're really enthusiastic.
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:I do want to make sure everyone gets
a chance to ask questions as well.
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:We open the floor up and if no one else
comes up, then we will come back to you.
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:But,
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:Angie: You and I think experienced a
couple of the same people in that space.
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:And listen group coaching
is very challenging.
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:Everybody thinks it's easy
and it's not because you're
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:not just managing the topic.
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:Let's just say of the session,
like you're managing as many people
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:that come onto that and you never
know what you're going to get.
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:And it is a little bit harder.
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:And if you can, I can always
tell when, say, Oh, so John, I
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:see you have your hand raised.
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:Okay.
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:So what's up?
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:Back in 1933, what?
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:No, this is not going to go well, right?
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:What's coming but also again, setting
the expectation at the beginning.
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:And I try to do that in a group session
I always try to say, Hey, Listen, let's
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:just be respectful of each other's time.
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:We want to make sure I want to make
sure everybody has an opportunity to
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:participate So before you ask your
question or tell your story Just keep
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:time in the top, top of mind because we
only have whatever 60 or 90 minutes or
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:whatever it is And I want to make sure
that everybody has that opportunity
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:to participate openly and it's a good
way to some people really honor it,
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:but I've had people in the background
that are like typing into a chat
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:privately can you please, this person.
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:And I re I had it happen.
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:I did a webinar.
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:I actually did a webinar in December.
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:I had a couple that I did.
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:And in one of them, I specifically
asked a participant a question and.
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:I don't even know what the answer was
to this moment to be honest, and it
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:was just a very long And I was like I
felt it coming and I was like, okay.
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:Wait a second.
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:Let me ask you Let me go back to the
question How did you feel about xyz?
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:And oh, yeah, that's right Because I
think john and i've had conversations
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:like that Depending on what room
i'm in when i'm talking to him.
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:I could be talking about pillows
one second and You rugs the
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:next and then heat the next.
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:Like it depends on what room I'm in,
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:John: Yeah, but neither of us are
billing each other for our time there.
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:Angie: thank goodness.
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:And that's the truth.
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:So yeah.
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:So the bottom line is that, always
setting the expectation is a good idea,
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:whether it's group or, one to one, but
it's hard in that group setting because
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:John: I will.
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:I agree with you.
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:And I will say this as well,
because I've come across it, that
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:even when you do that, and it is
completely reasonable to do that.
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:There will be people who don't think
it is or think that you're putting
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:pressure on them or might complain
about it to you or to someone
348
:else if you're not working alone.
349
:And you definitely want to
just reframe them if you can.
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:But don't let them tell you that is
not a reasonable request for them or
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:that you feel you have to pull back
because it's going to reduce your
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:ability to control your own groups.
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:And you do need to be.
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:You do need to maintain control as
the coach as the group coaching leader
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:or presenter or whatever situation is
you're in you risk losing control of
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:the room and another thing is if you
don't and one of your Other students or
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:clients ends up doing it for you that
kind of disempowers you a bit as well.
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:So Better for you to do it
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:Angie: Listen but have you ever
had and I've had this happen.
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:I've had it happen probably three
two or three times where even before
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:it gets to be exhausting I've had
people chime in a group environment
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:and go, you know what, John?
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:I think at the beginning of this, Angie
did say let's be a little respectful of
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:time and you're just gobbling it all up.
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:And I'm like, Oh no.
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:All right, everybody settle down.
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:Kindergarten is not in session.
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:I've had that happen though.
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:So have you had it happen?
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:John: Yeah, And I'm I'm a natural
diplomat so I'm very good at smoothing
371
:things over I think you know this about
me And so I always tend to find that
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:way to smooth things over as well Okay,
I understand you're feeling maybe a
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:little frustrated here, but let's also
be respectful It's a bit of a cool story.
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:And it's really respectful and nice
to each other on this call as well.
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:I'm sure you didn't mean anything
personal by that, but I don't want this
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:to descend into anything that is not.
377
:Let's stay impeccable with our word
or however you want to phrase it.
378
:Angie: Yeah.
379
:Yeah.
380
:John: get agreement.
381
:We can always find agreement
382
:Angie: it can happen.
383
:It just, you'd be shocked.
384
:You think that when you're in a room full
of adults, so to speak, that room could
385
:be the one on one space or whatever.
386
:You think that people are just
naturally going to behave a certain way.
387
:And I'm like, you know what?
388
:Sometimes those rooms are just like
when you're driving on the road, you
389
:think that, you're driving like a two
ton vehicle and somebody's going to stay
390
:out of your way, but they cut you off.
391
:Anyway,
392
:John: Group dynamics can be weird and
you don't know how people are going to
393
:be in different groups with different
people because Some people might bring
394
:out a little impishness in other people
that gets into being silly and playful
395
:and disruptive some people may not
really connect with each other and Might
396
:disengage a bit from what you're doing.
397
:There's all sorts of
things that can go on.
398
:This is more, more relevant in live group
399
:Angie: sure.
400
:John: event situations, but still worth
noting because I've had in webinar
401
:and group coaching sessions where
people have very clearly been either
402
:private messaging each in the chat.
403
:Or all very clearly doing other
things whilst we're in the session
404
:and not really present in the session.
405
:I don't want to I don't want to
beat down on them for doing that.
406
:I want to encourage them to Hello,
I know it's okay, I get you want to
407
:chat with each other and that's Great.
408
:I love that you want
to speak to each other.
409
:I also don't want this to, I don't
want that to become a distraction from
410
:what we're doing here on the call.
411
:So if it's urgent, then great.
412
:Carry on.
413
:But if it's not, let's bring
our attention back to this for
414
:now and do what we're here for.
415
:Or if you're doing something else,
I don't know, I encourage you.
416
:I don't get you busy.
417
:You have things to do,
whatever else you're trying
418
:to do a lot at the same time.
419
:But let's try and bring focus and
presence back to what we're doing now.
420
:Otherwise, like anything that we
don't do with our full focus and
421
:presence, we don't fully do it.
422
:Multitasking.
423
:Is not a real thing.
424
:It's just a it's distraction
425
:Angie: Oh, absolutely.
426
:It doesn't, it's not even
something you can do.
427
:There's, we can talk about that sometime.
428
:I've seen coaches do it actually,
which is, I'm like this with
429
:the shame on you, don't do that.
430
:It's almost along the lines
of the scrambling of the
431
:eggs that I've talked about
432
:John: yeah
433
:Angie: To come back to, where
we're at, I think that it's really
434
:important to, as a coach have the
confidence to, to be able to navigate
435
:and manage your sessions, right?
436
:And feel free to interrupt.
437
:But we don't want you to do it.
438
:I, I've had experiences
again while training other
439
:coaches where it's too much.
440
:They cut in a little too often because
they're not even letting a client
441
:get a full thought process out.
442
:And it may take, listen,
and this is truth.
443
:Let's think about this.
444
:I'm a very fast talker.
445
:I'm, not everybody is.
446
:So it does take some people
longer to express themselves.
447
:So you have to, it's, so it's
not so much the tick tock of the
448
:clock and how long it's taking.
449
:It's what's the focus
of what's being said.
450
:So if it takes longer for them
to articulate or sometimes
451
:they're really thinking through,
they're just thinking out loud.
452
:You sometimes you need to allow for that.
453
:Yeah.
454
:Because that's where their self
discovery is actually happening at times.
455
:So don't, if it takes somebody, I don't
know, seven minutes to articulate a
456
:thought or a feeling or something,
I think sometimes we need to know as
457
:coaches that they are onto something
and to shut up, just be quiet.
458
:Let it happen.
459
:Don't try to, pull it out faster.
460
:Let it happen organically.
461
:And again, there's a balance there.
462
:John: I don't want anyone to think
that we're saying or we have to make
463
:this speedy we do have to you know,
you said it earlier We have to meet
464
:our clients where they're at I have
worked with clients in the past who have
465
:had like speech difficulties and one
client had some brain damage after a
466
:car accident that Meant he took a while
to say things and it wasn't always easy
467
:Now you had to really listen to get
what he was saying I'm all for that.
468
:I'm happy to do it because if we
can still make it work I'm going to
469
:give you all the patience i've got
to get to what we need to get to I'm
470
:not going to be rushing you along.
471
:I'm not going to be interrupting you I
want to give you the space to be able
472
:to speak But for most people that's
not the case So I think that there are
473
:different ways we can frame things of
would it be okay, for example, I would
474
:say, would it be okay if I helped to move
you towards being a little more succinct
475
:with what we're talking about here?
476
:Would that be valuable?
477
:You could ask.
478
:Angie: Yeah.
479
:Yeah.
480
:Yeah.
481
:I, yeah, I think my point was just
simply that not everybody, thinks things
482
:out loud to the speed of somebody like
me, I think that just some people are
483
:much, calmer in energy and demeanor
484
:John: Let me ask you.
485
:Yeah.
486
:Yeah.
487
:Angie: like I am now, right?
488
:I'm slowing it down and I'm
not as energetic about it.
489
:And that was a hard lesson for me because
there were times where I was sitting there
490
:going, When is this coming to something?
491
:But I, but what they weren't rambling,
they weren't all over the place.
492
:They were still in a line.
493
:Like they were, it may made sense.
494
:And it was a journey that they
were verbally taking me on.
495
:And I was like, okay, I have to take a
couple of breaths myself because Again,
496
:like you said, not everybody is like
that, but it absolutely happens, where
497
:not everybody's going to match our energy
or somebody like you, you're calmer.
498
:Somebody comes up and they're
like, you might be like, okay
499
:Angie, I'm missing a bit of this.
500
:Let's go back to the first point.
501
:John: but the reality is i'm a fast
thinker and a fast talker as well
502
:and I like you I have to control that
when I was very first when I was very
503
:first being trained up for delivering
certain online trainings with another
504
:organization they were very keen that had
to turn the energy up But in doing that
505
:I kept finding myself going faster And
they're like you have to be able to turn
506
:the energy up and slow yourself down.
507
:And it is honestly so difficult
to do that because when you're
508
:getting more energized, the natural
tendency is to want to go faster.
509
:But when you, when we're doing something
like this, for example, having a
510
:podcast conversation, if we were just
speaking at normal conversational
511
:speed, okay, ten to the dozen.
512
:It would be hard for some
people to keep up with that.
513
:And I tend to listen to
podcasts on double speed.
514
:I would not be able to listen
to Miss Angie on double
515
:speed, I can tell you that.
516
:Angie: I don't know what you mean by that.
517
:John: You know exactly what I mean by
that but that's just the reality of it.
518
:We do sometimes need to slow ourselves
down, but we don't want to, as you
519
:said, become Charlie Brown's teacher.
520
:We don't want to lose tonality or lose
excitement, whack my microphone, but
521
:want to lose anything from doing that.
522
:We just want to make sure we
can be understood by everybody.
523
:Angie: Yeah,
524
:John: Some people won't do it,
I know a friend of mine Taki
525
:he'll say like I speak fast.
526
:So you're gonna have to think fast Makes
no apologies for it and that's just how
527
:he is And if you can't deal with it,
you're not gonna do well in his groups
528
:Angie: think to the listening piece,
when you do have somebody who's got a
529
:lot of energy, so they're not rambling.
530
:When we think of rambling, I think
we think it's it's nothing relevant.
531
:Sometimes people come into sessions
where they've got a lot of really
532
:important Insights and things to say
and they all run into each other.
533
:They start just blurting some things
out You as a coach need to be able to
534
:keep track of those things Even if you
just take a little note on what their
535
:focus is you need to be able to go
back and say, okay Wait John, so let's
536
:let's just review for a minute first.
537
:You talked about this is relevant
to you Yes, it is and this and so
538
:of those three things that you just
shared Which do you think is you know
539
:Most relevant to you at this time.
540
:Just making that up.
541
:I'm throwing that this way They're
aware a that you are listening.
542
:That's really important B Now they're
aware of what they're saying and they
543
:can actually take a second and say
okay, what really is most important?
544
:You're not going to forget those
other things, but we can't attack
545
:all the things at one time.
546
:So You know, I think as a coach,
it's really important to be able
547
:to do the dissection even when
somebody is like machine gun
548
:sharing and that's what I call it.
549
:It's like that that, that's
coming at you and we can get a
550
:little lost in that sometimes too.
551
:So we have to, I do, I make little notes
and I go, okay, wait, let me, so let
552
:me just make sure I'm understanding.
553
:This is this, and this is this.
554
:They're all relevant, which is the most.
555
:Just so I can redirect them, reframe
their whole thought process and bring it
556
:back to what are we going to do today?
557
:John: There's there's
a well known speaker.
558
:I'm not gonna name but some people are
gonna know who i'm talking about who
559
:Angie: Ooh, I wonder if I will.
560
:John: He might but he talks in it's he
and he talks incredibly fast when he's
561
:delivering his talks And i'm fairly
certain that one of the reasons for
562
:that Is so that people don't really have
that much time to think about what's
563
:being said or perhaps challenge stuff in
564
:Angie: Really?
565
:John: it goes to it goes too fast
like I remember one time I did
566
:see this guy speak somewhere and
thank goodness it was recorded.
567
:But then when I went back through
the replays oh, I see a lot of
568
:stuff here that I don't really
support or agree with or can't quite
569
:get behind, but it's interesting.
570
:But at the time it was just this,
as you barrage, this barrage
571
:of information coming at me.
572
:I don't think it's a great way.
573
:I don't know how this guy is successful
as a public speaker, but he is.
574
:I couldn't do that.
575
:I wouldn't do that to my audiences
because what was the real takeaway other
576
:than that was a lot of information.
577
:I didn't remember any of it.
578
:And all I was thinking of was I need to
listen to the replay to get any of that.
579
:That's, I don't think that's a
good place to leave your audience.
580
:Angie: I think it's
important what you just said.
581
:Also when we're communicating within
our sessions, we have to be careful not
582
:to Go overboard in terms of what we're
saying, I do believe that in coaching
583
:you should be doing less of the talking.
584
:That's just my natural, my belief.
585
:And I have all the experience
that supports that.
586
:But sometimes if we are I don't know,
explaining something or getting into,
587
:we can be a little bit confusing.
588
:We can, that's why I'm saying like in
the moment when somebody brings something
589
:up, don't wait too long into the session
to address it because you're past that.
590
:I'm sorry, that was like 30 minutes ago.
591
:I'm in a different space right now.
592
:So you have to keep yourself
straight as well so that you don't
593
:become confusing to the client.
594
:I've heard people do it and
I'm like on the call going,
595
:Oh my gosh, did that happen?
596
:And it can't stop it because it's
a recording that I'm listening to.
597
:So yeah, I think that's important as well.
598
:Like we have to watch, of course
manage the call be the pace car with
599
:the client, but also with ourselves.
600
:Also with ourselves because
there's a lot of coaches.
601
:I'm gonna do it right
now that love to talk.
602
:Don't be a talker
603
:John: Yeah.
604
:No, if there's ever a session with a
client where I think, I'm going to have
605
:to talk a bit more than usual here.
606
:I will frame that and say to them, this is
going to be a bit of a different session.
607
:You probably will hear more
from me than you usually do.
608
:But that's not how, that's not
how these things generally go.
609
:I want them to know that.
610
:But I'm very aware of that.
611
:Because I have had
coaches who are like that.
612
:And and It's not good.
613
:It's not recommendable, but I was
going to say before actually i've had
614
:i've also had Situations with certain
clients where I have ended up giving
615
:a little bit of coaching to them on
how they communicate and being able to
616
:Being able to be more effective in their
communication Because if they are dancing
617
:around things too much or taking way too
long to get to a point People are going
618
:to be tuning them out probably pretty
quick especially if they're used to them
619
:doing that if that's how they always
communicate And so helping people be
620
:able to get to the point quicker and to
take away Some of the dressing because
621
:unless you're a professional raconteur
Probably people don't want to hear it.
622
:The much rather that you got more to the
point, maybe you can dress things up a
623
:little bit, but rein it back yourself.
624
:And just know yourself with this.
625
:Could you be a little more concise?
626
:It doesn't have to be super concise.
627
:You don't have to be blunt or
super curt about everything, but
628
:just get, how could you get to the
point a little quicker with things?
629
:How much framing do you need to
give to be able to tell something?
630
:You don't need to give the whole
necessarily a whole recount or
631
:historical recap of what led to
the thing that you actually want
632
:to share which some people do.
633
:So it can be really helpful to give
people the coaching on that because
634
:that can actually be transformative for
them and their relationships and how
635
:they communicate in their own lives.
636
:Angie: Interesting that you brought
that up because and I tried it.
637
:I don't say I tried.
638
:I definitely am very aware of if a
client comes in and they want to talk
639
:about an exchange they had, whether
it's with a partner or a boss or an
640
:employee or a kid, whatever it is.
641
:And I don't really usually allow for
the, he said, she said, but if it's,
642
:if I can identify that it's relevant.
643
:To something that we're working on.
644
:I will allow it.
645
:And in those times, I will when I try
to reframe what I will do is I will
646
:say let me John, let me ask you that.
647
:You said, I'll repeat back whatever
the statement was that they said.
648
:And I'll say, is that
how you delivered it?
649
:Is that how you said it?
650
:Or are you just venting to me?
651
:And that is how I will help them
become aware of, how are you
652
:really communicating with people?
653
:Because if you're doing it with me,
sometimes when we vent, we have a
654
:little bit more energy into something.
655
:But I found many times
that It's not as well.
656
:No, I'm actually being calm right
now as I'm explaining this to you.
657
:I'm like okay how effective
do you think that?
658
:So that gets me into a whole
different conversation without
659
:saying, Hey, we're going to get
into a whole conversation, right?
660
:I'll try to focus it on something
else, like you said, communication
661
:or how you're communicating
rather than, the machine gun.
662
:John: Yeah.
663
:Angie: again.
664
:John: Look, rants can be great
for comedy, but probably not so
665
:great for general communication,
666
:Angie: correct.
667
:Yeah.
668
:Yeah.
669
:No, I think this is all really good stuff.
670
:I think it's important to recognize
that we as coaches, part of, I
671
:think the responsibility we have
to our clients is to respectfully
672
:be able to stop the negative or the
whatever, whatever that negative
673
:is, that's coming into the session.
674
:Yeah.
675
:and be able to interrupt them.
676
:I think it's important.
677
:It's a skill to be able to do that.
678
:I don't think that is something
that we're all born with.
679
:I think it's something that we
need to learn and maybe master
680
:to some degree so that we're not
offensive and we aren't being rude.
681
:John: Very much we don't want to be rude.
682
:Angie, what did the
interrupting sheep say?
683
:Angie: The interrupting sheep.
684
:John: Yeah, you have to say, I
don't know, what did the interrupt
685
:Angie: don't know.
686
:What did the
687
:John: Matt
688
:Angie: say?
689
:This guy.
690
:Oh my gosh.
691
:I can't.
692
:John: Don't know why I thought
that Look, I think we've covered
693
:a lot of good stuff today.
694
:We've had some fun.
695
:It's a great topic and and hopefully
it's going to help you to reign in the
696
:people who are maybe talking a bit much
and be able to respectfully Bring things
697
:in line, especially if you're doing
group coaching and you come up with
698
:any of the things we talked about Look,
maybe there are some situations that we
699
:didn't cover that relate to this that
You thought of we'd love to hear that
700
:and any questions you have about this
topic or any other things to do with the
701
:coaching clinic that questions that you
might want to put to myself and Angie.
702
:There are some ways that you can get
in touch with us and we would love
703
:to hear from you now on LinkedIn.
704
:You're very welcome to connect
with us and send us messages there.
705
:The links to our profiles are in
the show notes for the episode
706
:so you can send us voice message.
707
:You can send us messages.
708
:We would love to hear from you and we
will feature you and your questions
709
:or your input onto the show as well.
710
:And if you want to leave us a
voicemail, you can do that for free.
711
:You can go online to speakpipe.
712
:com forward slash the
coaching clinic podcast.
713
:You can leave us a voicemail there.
714
:It's free to do however,
we hear from you is.
715
:All good.
716
:And but we would love to hear from you.
717
:So please do get in touch with the
show and we can be back pretty soon.
718
:We've got a few topics coming up.
719
:Like we're going to talk about
fixed and growth mindset.
720
:We're going to talk about
psychological safety, a lot more stuff.
721
:So don't miss any of that.
722
:And we'll look forward.
723
:We'll look forward to coming
back with some more wonderful
724
:episodes from the coaching clinic.
725
:Angie: As always.
